Dear Diary | 2014, I Have No Regrets.

I am absolutely crap at keeping the blog updated in the recent months. I’ll admit, besides complete exhaustion post-work and the need to have a social life during the days off, I was lazy. I was consumed with work and work and more work. I don’t take home work, that’s one good thing. I can lock it all away the minute my shifts end. But the long hours. The mental exhaustion. The worrying I sometimes find myself do. To the point that when I do actually sit down to start a post, I find my fingers resting just very slightly on the keyboard and the air hung still. The only words that I could form in my mind were work related and I couldn’t possibly be sharing things about wounds and deaths on my blog, can I, they do sound quite depressing and a little inappropriate, I would think.

So I’ve been putting off blogging, day after day, week after week. My apologies.

I have wanted to write this post for a while now and here I am, typing away furiously because it’s already New Year. This is going to be a rather personal reflection of my year, just so you know. By the time I post this, I would be completely late but who cares, I still fully intend to recap this past year.

At the start of 2014, I admit I dreaded for the year to end. But now that I’m right at the end looking back, I cannot be more amazed and thankful for the past year’s events. 2014 has ben such an interesting year for me. I daresay it might just be my most memorable year in the last 5 years.

I have had my happiest moments, and my greatest (emotional) downfalls. I have travelled to more places in the year than I can ever imagine. I picked up another sport that I come to really love (DODGEBALL!!!). I allowed myself to let my hair down and really enjoy my youth. I learnt how it really is like to be alone, but not lonely. To enjoy solitude, and making the best of my time out of it. To appreciate cups of coffee and people watching.

I have had my mental breakdowns when my fears and self-doubts ate me up and spat me out – when I believed, at one point, that I was not good enough, and that one thought nearly killed me. It took great strength to disbelieve that of myself. But I survived that phase.

I have also met the most amazing people and made the most wonderful friends in the very short time I was in London. I discovered & believed in fleeting connections with strangers on the street.

I took risks, I took leaps of faith; and I made life-changing decisions. I put myself through a terrible heartbreak, because I believed that sometimes moving on with the rest of your life starts with goodbye. Yes, I was hurt; yes I cried buckets. Because I had to let go of some things that I really love to get to the other side. But because I know I am determined to discover what the other side is, I picked myself up, brushed off the dirt and faced the world one more time. A different person, no doubt. And not without the help of some of my dearest friends. I wouldn’t have been this strong without them. I would’ve been completely broken, if it wasn’t for them.

I challenged myself, and I have unlocked some personal achievements. Took my parents around Paris equipped with only a map and without the need of a tour guide (although eventually I did put them on the daily tour bus because they were complaining too much about having to walk, lol) and we DIDN’T get lost/kidnapped/killed. 😀 Then I threw caution to the winds, booked a one-way ticket to see (part of) the world on my own, and figured out the rest of the trip(s) along the way. Best decision I have ever made. #YOLO. Even if it wasn’t a long journey (because I was getting poorer and time was running out), it was definitely a journey I will never forget. These two last points were important to me because I’m not the greatest kid to handle maps or directions, what more in foreign countries with maybe 1% understanding of their languages.

 

Then just as I thought my adventures were coming to an end, just as I was getting stronger day by day; the one thing I least expect to happen, came along and found me. It just happened and it took me completely by surprise. And life has become a tad bit more interesting that it already was ever since. 🙂 So, hey you. Thank you. ♥

All good things come to an end, so did my year in London. I came back, steeled myself for the real world once again and promised myself that I won’t come back the same girl. And that promise, I still hold. I know I am no longer the same person. 🙂 I also told myself that life is going to be “now, or never”. If I want it, if I really want it, then hell yes I should go ahead and do it.

So I started dancing. Again. When I felt the stirrings in my heart telling me to dance once again, I knew it was a “now, or never” moment. I went for it. It has been amazing. Not that I am all that good in dance, but the fact that I have achieved some rather interesting moves that I never thought I would be able to do i.e. a handstand! 😀 😀 😀 I also started running. Know that I actually dislike running with all my heart because blehhhhh. But run, I did. I did pretty good, I must say, hehe.

About a month into the dancing and the running, I came across this post on Tumblr. I thought it was very apt, like it’s a sign for me to keep going.

I can tell you proudly that so far I have been brave enough to start. 🙂

 

Looking forward now, I simply know more amazing things are about to come and my first good thing for 2015 is just around the corner! 😀 I am uber excited *squeeeeee*! While I definitely miss my life back in London and all my friends there, credit must be given where it’s due. To my lovely family & friends here who have patiently awaited my return and loved me all the same, you guys are my angels, adding the sweet finishing touch to the end of my 2014.

 

So, farewell 2014. You have been a wonderful, magical year but it’s now time to welcome 2015. I cannot turn back time to relive the year no matter how much I want to, but at least I will have the memories. One thing for sure, I have measured my 2014 in daylights, in sunsets, in midnights, & in cups of coffee.

 

So here’s to you, 2015. Have a chimney cake and some Bailey’s hot chocolate. You will be a fantastic year, I just know it.

 

2014, I have no regrets. 🙂

 

 

Cheers, all. Have a joyous New Year! Toodles. ♥

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