I will be honest:
I am exhausted. I am disappointed.
Day by day, when I know I could do better, but I can’t. Or I don’t.
When I see my comrades as weathered as I am.
When strangers see me, a battered soul.
When I start drowning because I am weakened, helpless.
When I try to save everyone, but the one person that really needs saving is myself.
The excerpt above is a fragment of a burned out heart. Mine.
It is unfortunate that I have come to this point once again. And I hope that anyone reading this will somewhat understand that not all days are rainbows & sunshine; that it is as real as it gets & I do my best to portray the whole picture.
It is also unfortunate that I acknowledge my burnout state on Nurses’ Week. And decided to proclaim it on Nurses’ Day. I thought it would be an interesting change in the way we celebrate Nurses’ Day. To accept & recognise that it is OKAY to admit to the pessimistic side of nursing. Like how we should celebrate life: we accept the joys & sorrows both for we cannot have one without the other.
Despite this burnout, I only have the utmost respect & support for nurses everywhere.
For your willingness to keep going, no matter how bad things get.
For your strength to bear all the brunt, being at the front line more often than not.
For your heart & wellbeing, that so many have failed to take care of, leaving you to retreat in solitary to lick your wounds.
For your determination to do it all over again, every single day, in spite of knowing the consequences; because only you hold the key to what got you started in the very beginning.
Happy Nurses’ Day!