Last half hour of 2015.
Another year coming to a close. I’m starting to get flashbacks of myself around this time of every year, sprawled in some corner typing out the epilogue of my year and end up being overwhelmed with everything.
It happens every single year.
Instead of going out there, partying, & getting drunk in the real world, I snuggle into my spot, accompanied by my favourite mug of steaming hot tea (or coffee), and attempt to summarise my year.
And I get terrible writers’ block.
And I get clouded by all the emotions and events that took place over the entire year.
And I start over.
Only to realise that I am left with a minute to midnight, or completely gone past midnight.
Not always successful, but at least I tried. And this year, I am trying again.
Just like every year, I’ve had my fair share of trials and tribulations. This year has indeed been a wild roller coaster ride, & I’m not entirely sure how best to word it. While most friends I know went through their quarter life crises, I was just so busy with life that I basically didn’t have time for a personal crisis. In fact, I found clarity in such uncertainty, it basically opened up my heart, mind & soul to so many possibilities.
Let’s list it:
- I’ve graduated (beautifully).
- I fell in love. ♥
- I’ve gotten myself into a long distance relationship. It’s crazy and I love it.
- I realised I actually do love my job, I love what I am doing every day, I love my old people. I love being their nurse.
- I experienced the whole “moving on with the rest of your life starts with goodbye”, again.
- I have to accept that you can never make other people understand everything you do, neither do you need to justify for it.
- I may have burnt/scarred some bridges, but only because I know I cannot keep up. I’ve been completely let down by people whom I’ve held so dear, and if I may be completely honest, it has been so absolutely tiring to hold on. What else can I do, but to let go.
- I made peace with myself – I wrote an entire dissertation on myself, as if I was trying to get to know me all over. It was kinda fun. I don’t think I’ve gotten to the end yet.
- I allowed myself to cry buckets when I needed to.
- I pampered myself, love myself loads & never let myself justify the nice things I do for me. Basically bought a lot of nice things for myself.
- I’ve made big girl’s decisions that I never thought I’d have to make, just yet.
- I am still queen of procrastination, sadly.
- I also allowed myself to be a complete antisocial hermit, and spend all the time I needed, to be alone, to bask in the loneliness, to accept that some things you just got to do alone & to learn happiness in that solitude. Before you can brace yourself to face the world again.
- I have to live with the fact that my LDR is like a constant countdown – always counting down to when we’ll meet; and when we finally do, the back of our minds counting down the days we have left together.
- I got to travel a fair bit, thanks to the LDR.
- But I also found home. 🙂
- I am halfway there, a work in progress to make my dreams come true.
A bittersweet, amazing year overall. I have been waiting for this moment to pass for so long, only too excited to rush into 2016. I wouldn’t have made it through without all the wonderful people in my life (near or far) who chose to stay by my side despite my flaws and shortcomings. You know who you are.
& of course, to my amazing best friend & boyfriend half the world away – it is ridiculous because I cannot express just how much joy you have brought into my life, especially even when we are constantly apart. Truly, distance means so little when you mean so much. Here’s to all the adventures we will have together. ♥ I honestly can’t wait.
Happiness comes in the form of a dog.
So there you go, 55 minutes past midnight. Never on time.
Hello, 2016. I’ve been waiting for ya.